Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Sitting and watching

I've been trying to slow down these days. And I've also been trying to ramp things up. Mostly I've been trying, trying, to keep things running.

A long time ago I was given the gift of an astrology reading. The main message I got, and that stays with me still, was that my task this time around was to experience as much as possible and to stay calm while doing it. Easier said than done, to be sure.

This picture is the dish of water I have outside my front door. It's a water source for my bees. Who knew? Bees need a drinking fountain. So do my cat and dog. Frequently they all three drink, all at the same time. One of my favorite things to do is to come home and sit on my front step. I'm right next to this beautiful blue water dish and the bees come and go, drinking, flying in, flying out, drinking more. The cat and dog drink too, and then, generally, lie at my feet. I like being there. Very much. Every once in awhile I find a bee floundering in the water. Bees do not swim, so, if I'm there, I help out, ushering the little girl (almost all the bees out flying around are females) over to the edge where she climbs out, dries off, and carries on. Every once in a while the dog or the cat or, perhaps, a bee will knock over this little stack of pebbles. I put it back. Carry on.

Things have felt frantic to me lately and I have been searching for how to find equipoise, balance. Acupuncture is helping. Talking with friends is helping. Pilates, bike riding, dinner in front of stupid tv, and walking my dog all help too.

At work I fired a chef, rolled up my sleeves and got back in the kitchen, found a new chef, am training him, and am dealing, concurrently, with some other stresses. Business ownership is like this. One of my mentors said, "Getting bigger doesn't mean you get rid of the problems, you just get bigger ones." There are plenty of days when I don't want anything to do with any problems.

On those days I just go out onto my step, restack my little pebble stack, maybe rescue a bee, and, mostly sit still.

The Goldenrod is in full bloom now and the bees love it. Apparently Goldenrod makes stinky honey, but honey is honey at this point in the year. The bees are stocking up for the winter and it doesn't matter to me what kind of honey they make, as long as it helps them get through the upcoming cold months. One of my friends never opened her bee hives, never took out any honey, was happy when her bees swarmed and left. To her that was all a part of the natural order of things.

Perhaps that's what all this is, this tumult, stress, relaxation, calm, frenzy. The natural order. Is it possible to adjust and roll with it? Is it possible to remember that this is exactly what I am supposed to be? Continued immersion into the fray, continued practice at staying calm, attentive, alert.

Maybe it's enough just to sit and watch and restack some random pebbles and save a floundering bee every now and then. On many days it's enough for me.

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